Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Stop Self Sabotage

What frustrates some people is, even when they have the desire to change, there is something in them that sabotages their well intentioned efforts. That something is usually a polarity, that is, when a "part" of you wants one thing and another "part " wants something else. You may not even have the awareness of the "parts" or the conflict. Both "parts" have different intentions. One "part" is about your desire and the other "part" is about providing protection in some form, base on a past perceived threat to your emotional or physical well being. The protection "part" was born from an experience a younger you stored in the archives of the mind as a belief and an emotion.That younger you made a decision and adopted a belief based on that specific situation,even though that event is over and in the past. That decision/belief is activated whenever something even remotely seems familiar to the initiating event or person.

Whether or not you need to change your beliefs is strictly a matter of your personal choice. I share this process in the spirit of providing assistance to those who desire to move themselves forward and live consciously instead of being hijacked and limited by unwanted emotions and habits

I assume you are willing to consider the possibility some part of you holds a belief which is currently limiting your ability to fulfill your desires. I will also assumes you want to change or eliminate such a belief. The most basic assumptions of this method are that some aspect of yourself is holding the belief for you. At some point in the past a younger you decided, consciously or unconsciously, the belief was useful to protect you from experiencing perceived pain,discomfort or danger. I assume you accept that some aspect of yourself began to hold that belief and cause it to be applied at any time that aspect felt it appropriate and that you realize that this response runs on auto pilot and is triggered when any situation or person seems like the originating event. and i assume you accept that it wouldn't necessarily be required to make itself or the belief known consciously, just apply the effect of the belief at appropriate times.This is a job the part is committed to being in charge of and it takes its job very seriously.

Steps in negotiating
1. Recognize you're being limited. You can't do what you desire to do.
2. Ask to communicate with the younger part of yourself responsible for the limiting belief.
3. Engage that aspect of yourself in conversation, dialogue with it.
ask what it wants for you that's positive
4 Thank the part for taking care of you
5 Ask the part what would it have to believe in order to do its job of protecting you
4. Understand what the belief is and how it operates to limit you.
5. Express the desire to change the belief in the situation you desire to have a new behavior
6 Ask the part to generate some new beliefs and ways to keep you safe but that allow you to have this new behavior.
7 Ask the part to commit to this new belief and allow the new behavior
8. Attempt to do what you desire to do again.
9 Continue to dialogue with that aspect of yourself as more facets of the limitation of the belief come up.
10. Repeat this process until you can do the new behavior even thinking about it. Then you know that aspect has incorporated the desired change in your belief.

Check back for my next note where I will give you a sample dialogue from a parts negotiation